the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
