Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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