I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
