remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
