A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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