I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
