Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
