Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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