somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
