I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
