it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
this boner is exhausting
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
