Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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