To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
