He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize