Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
