She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I want a musical about memes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
