We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
