No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
