Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
