Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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