I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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