Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I believe in your delicious
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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