I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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