Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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