So drunk its hurt
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
