my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
