My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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