Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
