I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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