? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
whose parrot is this?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize