My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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