I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
