his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
