What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
