Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
