Cold hands, warm shart.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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