I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
