i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
