HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize