Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
