You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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