you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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