I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
