Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
