I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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