Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize