I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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