Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
ok first of all what the fuck
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
