sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
