OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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