Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
