You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Soap is not a condiment
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize