Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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