yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
