if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
