Apparently you make a good broom.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
