Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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