Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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