see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
