Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
