I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
