Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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