i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She is in my trunk
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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