I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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