Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
