Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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