At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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