i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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