remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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