I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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