I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize