im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
