oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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